“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” – Reinhold Neibuhr
It took me years to overcome my fears.. the fears that haunted me and left me awake in the middle of the night. That piece of cringe painted in my face like an oil to a canvass, hard to wipe away, which end up on you going all over it again. It is, perhaps, time to grasp it; the sole chance I have.
2,700 km, striking heat, and I’m alone. I accelerated as there are no other cars in the blurring heat-surfeited road that stretched far and disappearing in the horizon – a long and unbearable road if taken, by paces and steps.
When will I reach my destination? The answer never bestowed neither to the shadows who accompanied me in that piercing day, nor that northern star that looked down on me in the middlest of nights.
I’ am NUMB. Paralyzed by what I know, and by what experiences molded me. Is it for the reason of enduring harsh trials? Of the feelings of hilarity and grins that gusted directly right to my face and my being? For the impatience of waiting and for the wait that I so keenly looked for that never came? Or should the blame be pointed to my resolute attention to the scientific? I tend to overlook things. Be apathetic and unwavering to the thoughts of other people, hisses and stenches is all I can think of. But is it not time that I begin to open my ears and my senses? Is it not time I care much?
NO and YES.
No, I can’t do that; I am what I am. But yes, I’d have to hear those things; I’d be welcoming and moderate as I’ve always been. But I can’t promise words that I know I can’t keep. Change is not easy; it comes with the unremitting flow of time and basis, of fistful of prudence and alertness, and foundations of well-spelled wisdom and reason.
I still am NUMB.. yet sensitive enough to the things I most consider worth of changing.