Sweet Scent

That pulsating feeling whenever you walk down and pass right through me; your cologne still dangling in the thin air. That beating becomes faster and faster, louder and menacing to the point beyond that of the contained threshold of demeanor.

I was starstruck, as what I always end up too whenever I see that sweet flashing smile from that angelic face. The world stopping, taking a dive through the waves of time.. slowly and beautifully passing.

“Hey! Still there!? Nate! Hello!” Tamia waving her hands in front of my fulfilled face.

I was immediately pulled back to sanity again, snapped to reality.. the reality of never having her. She walked gracefully in the pool of equally beautiful people, yet she managed to stand out. Not with her brunette curls, perfect curves, nor grey striking eyes, but with the spirit glowing inside her. She never knew me.. I was invisible to her – nonexistent, insignificant, and a speck of dust in her eyes.

Tamia still glaring at me, “It’s her again isn’t it? I know she’s beautiful Nate, but you’ll never have her. No one will – not in a place like this.”

“Can we just go Tam? Do not give me the usual sermon again. I’m sick of it.”

We walked out, her strong cologne still prickling my nose. Why do I always end up in this situation? Never had the courage to introduce myself, the courage to chase what I yearn for? Perhaps Tamia was right? I’ll never have her; I’ll never have what I want.

Moonlight

When will you say the moon is beautiful? When its rays are illuminated in a brightly lit urban city – of colliding illuminations from the man-made lights and of God given moon beam? Or will you say that it’s beautiful when it is accompanied by the strum of crickety tunes in a soft wind-blown meadow, misty expanse of landscape that invites all energies of romanticism, and the sight of a pair of lover walking hand in hand by the bank of a moon-illuminated river as silky and cottony?

The moon mystifies us; fashions our imaginations with unworldly thoughts, of magic and love, of illusion and fantasies, and of the realities of a being. The splendid beauty of the moon as she hides beyond the thick tufts of the night clouds, or as the gaping branches of an old sycamore devouring her rays. There must be a reason why the Greeks pay patronage to this illuminative creation; may it be Hecate of the darkness, Luna of the Latin kin, or the huntress Selena or Celestia of the skies. The sea succumbs and the tides reach for her. Men were drawn mad by her serene calmness, animals worship her, drained and seduced.

I have long loved the mystery behind her beauty. The whiteness, the light. May the moon continue to shine the paths of the travelers who lost their ways, illuminate the heart of the darkest, the cores of those who hid from her, and stretch out the magnificence of her beauty.

Unchaining the Trust

“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”

                                          Marilyn Monroe

 I felt the ache slam in my caged heart. The hurt, the sadness, the screeches of my poor soul. The incongruity of it all; you give away the truest trust and then be paid back with mistrust that follows it. Like a fallen angel, you need to get a hold of the purest wings to return back to the heavens with untainted intentions. That’s how trust is given back once lost – you need the most logical reason for it, and the conviction to want that reliance again.

Sacrifices were exchanged, our devotion was lit, grudges and insecurities purged. But why then? Of all things need be broken; why of all, the chain that has bonded us? Is it because of the tight fastenings? Or of the loose rusty chain? Or were you sick of it all? Was I deaf by your insistent mumblings of the pain that chained us? Blinded by my principles? Lo then, I will remain silent, and not a word will you hear of me till I myself feel that soreness you felt. I will dwell with the silence, and live with the forlornness till I eye out the possibilities and answers I seek, and you seek.

I begin to trust myself and myself alone. Act naturally and smile and wink as I used to be. I am happy on where you are happy. Regret and repulsions are not the choices I palmed out with my hands; it was sincerity and honesty I requested. But tossing it away was severe..

 I then ask of you this, once the doors are closed; turning back is not an option. You go away, and bid you a good spree of what your destiny holds for you. And do not worry, for I.. I will be indiscernible – away from your sight, invisible from your attention.

Go Your Way

I already had my daily dose of melancholic grins and the nastiest expectation which I find it too difficult to pull back again as it swiftly fell along the hills of misery and deception. I had so much of those heart-breaking revelations, the dirty assumptions you hid, and the people unworthy of trusting.. of which, inevitably, also turned you to something undesirable. Where are all the trust and care you once promised?

“What the hell Nathaniel, I borrowed your phone just for a day and a friend of yours is badgering me all day long! Who the hell is Leah?!” she shouted. The vein in my sister’s forehead was so clear even if I sat two meters away from where she was standing.

I was shocked from this sudden outburst from her. “Wait Briony, I don’t understand you.. a friend? What? Can I see my phone please?” She handed it to me.

The revelations were so clear. Everything. Bad words were uttered, shattered trusts. I can accept them all, I sure can. But my family? My mother? You say bad words to her, and I swear, forgiveness will not even matter. We have loved her so much. Oh, and the one who even read the messages first was my sister! I trembled; scared of that fact and shivered with anger.

There’s no need for an explanation you say? Fine. If that’s what you want.

I stood there, blankly staring at the last SMS my sister opened. She was intently looking at me and asked, “Now Nathan, is she familiar? She’s on your phonebook anyway. ”

I don’t know her ‘anymore’. She set me free. She said things which cannot be taken back. She must have hated me. I am nothing to her and to them. The idea bouncing around my mind. Then I boldly answered – NO, I don’t know her.

Sun Soaked

Feeling the tropical sun. 🙂

I just got to go somewhere – any summer break wouldn’t be complete without a visit to the beach. The heat, the breeze, the saltiness. Once in while you desire for something you missed a lot; even if you don’t like that “something”. Im not really a big fun of SWIMMING AT THE BEACH, but walking along the seashore, playing in the sand, skulking under a shade with a glass of lemonade in your hands is quite delighting. I have to say, I enjoyed having a photoshoot there. *LOL* No seriously, I did enjoy THE BEACH. I wonder when will I be visiting one again? Cool. 🙂

Credits to Sittie Jobairah Ali for the shot. 😀

Here and Back Again

It’s been more than a month now since I last posted something. Oh God, it’s summer and the first thing I should be doing is reviving back this blog! So this past month was a roller coaster ride for me.. some reassuring lows and astounding highs that I swear could have evaporated the soul inside of me. From getting sick, to having a swim, to experimenting new things, going to an adventure, photoshooting of all kinds and color, having new friends, and of course, the feeling of being taken cared by someone who you least expect that would take care of you. *Sweet huh? LOL

But hello reality! Everything will come to an end, and you learn the best experiences out of it. Im sure I’m gonna make the best decisions, so far. So hell yeah, beware! I just know God will grant me the strength and the passion.

P.S. Posts will be flowing the following days (Fictional write-ups like; Sweet Scent, Kill Them, and The Grand Enchanter). Yehess. WordPress, here I come AGAIN. (And oh, I just NEED to change my theme this time.. not as boring as the previous one. Say Hi to my new sun-drenched madhouse! And because Yellow is for happiness. Cool. )