A trip through the northern Philippine province of Zambales with my closest friends – a 3-day trip which feels like a week! No electricity, internet, or mobile signal. This is the perfect getaway from urban life, from the stress of work, and toxic people! Set-up your tent, bask under the sun, conquer the mountains nearby, swim with the colorful fishes, start a fire, lie under the stars and talk about everything. The experience is overwhelming!
We are one; a fire inextinguishable, roaring and twisting in flames. We light up the dark night as we danced in the crackling coal. We share the same warmth, and burn whatever’s in our path. We are an inseparable fiery entity, destructive yet shimmering wih zeal. A fire; you and me.
The glass fell from the wooden table and shattered in thousand pieces over the black marbled-floor. It’s as if I was staring at the stars, but instead of gazing up I was looking down. The stars on my feet, only a meter away from my hands. I know if I reached out, I’d injure myself.
Beautiful things come at a great cost – sometimes it can hurt and sometimes it is better left untouched.
Mid-air. I am falling, non-stop. Gravity pulling me back to the ground. I hear your voice, familiar and comforting “Take my hand, take it. Do not hesitate.”
I then smell flowers, strong and wistful. Now Im walking towards a river, blue and foamy. I see you sitting by the rock with your feet submerged, you were waving and inviting me to come and take a plunge. I knew it was freezing because you were shivering but you try to hide it. I can see through you though. I will always see.
I wake up. I realize I’m still alone in bed, sweating. I hear my heartbeat – loud and thumping between my ribs. I can hear your name in every beat; my heart screams for you, pulsating through my veins. My heart was is restless.
I was blind for how many years for I failed to look at the bad side of everything. Is it a blessing or a curse?
I’ve always had the liking for good things – of sweet stuffs, wonderful words, of sunsets, and of falling leaves. But through the years, I have realized that behind every good thing there lies an opposing counterpart.. the familiarity of bitterness after tasting sweet perfection, of remorseful words, of the lonely night that follows a beautiful sunset, and of the bare tree after all the leaves has fallen out. When you lost sight of pessimism, you will expect good things from everyone.. then a simple refusal will break your fickle bones.
Never expect because nothing is there that will last forever.. no can, and no one will.
I really wanted to talk to you. I hesitate. I can’t. Because talking to you is rendering torment to the person I love. We live in two different universes – you with overwhelming praise and infinite possibilities, and me.. me in a world of feigned affections. When will you see me? When will you liberate me?
I hesitate to take the courage to ask you one more time. To ask you of what we are, and what will be. I hesitate to show you kindness for you may interpret it as frivolling. I hesitate to look into your eyes for the reason that a single eye contact unlocks my Pandora’s box. I will be down on my knees to beg you to be with me. I will hope, and hope till the end of time.
I hesitate to show you the way because I myself may get lost on the path I might guide. I don’t want to be lost, but if lost means being with you.. Then I won’t hesitate being found by your side.